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Monday, July 22nd, 2002
1:09a - WHY!!!
Why two deaths in one month is what I'll be asking myself all week. How am I gonna sleep tonight? I wish I had someone to hug and hold until I fall asleep. But will it happen? No. Not tonight. How am I gonna make it thru the week, especially at work now?!? My life has shattered upon me, and it will take a long time for it to be fixed back to where it was. I can't help but cry, and I feel crappy about crying. But what else am I suppose to do at this very moment?

I don't even know who even bothers reading my journal anyway... I guess not very many. So who cares, right!?!

current mood: crying

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7:37p - I'm not crying anymore
I hate to say this, but these lyrics may haunt me for a while...

"Forever goodbye, forever goodnight,
forever nothing now that you're gone,
how am I gonna feel, how am I gonna deal,
what's gonna happen come the dawn?"
- Only On Tuesdays' Watermelon Gum...

I'm doing better now. Work of course cheered me up, and hearing from Jordan was great too! After my dad went to bed, I had an emotional breakdown when "Watermelon Gum" popped into my head, cuz of the lyrics. The song may not possibly be about death, but it sure felt that way to me last night and I'm not even sure if I can even listen to that song the same way now. Who knows, maybe this feeling will disappear in a week. It's not that I hate the song, it's just that I don't want to get embarrassed if I hear it again and start having a breakdown at OOT's next show, which will be August 2nd. Like I said, who knows what may happen then.

I hope everyone out in LJ land is doing okay. Hugs to everyone who may be in pain, and hugs to everyone else who wants one. I love you all.

current mood: tired and hungry

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